well as u can see, its a set of Clinique products for men. woooo. looks damn cool la. hmm issit time to start being metro again? nahhh. dun tink so. =)

thanks leh meinu! gam xia very the much! lol... rlly touched & surprised. n e bookmark ah... diaos lor. wad's written on it. kaos...

BUT dun tink i haf 4gotten abt e treat. haha... okok. i'm just kidding... i'm beginnin to sound damn desp for e treat. hahaha...hmm dono if she'll read dis anot. lol.

aniwae today quek was telling us abt how we musnt let our passion for percussion erode. n when i tot abt it, it was so darn true. i'll hafta admit dat yes, my passion is slowly, but surely dying. i dun give my 100% in practices anymore... n hes right abt us being so sick n tired of playing e same songs over n over again.

so exactly what good does it bring to be part of e grp? or wadeva remains of it. i love being on stage. i love performing. but i cant act. i cant sing on stage (andrea asked me to join Stardunst. but no confidence leh...). so now i'm hoping one day our amateur band, made up of our police mates, will b able to perform someday. n if some band actually approaches me... den may consider joinin dem? actually syafiq asked me once... cos his drummer is gg to aust to study percussion. but i noe how gd their band is... so... lack of confidence again.

but on a more serious note... i've been with TPA since the very beginning. i've seen ppl join n also leave this grp. but nth meant more to me than e grp of 6 of us, who worked so hard last yr for all the performances. mayb it was e strong bonds of friendship. as tough as e practices were, it was ENJOYABLE. it rlly was. n it was great fun... looking forward to practices, cos i'll get to meet all dese frens again. but as it seems now... those days r gg to be a thing of e past. honestly, it saddens me. its like losing ur mates when u go out to battle. i'll miss e days when we lined up at e side of e stage b4 our perf. i'll miss e smiles we give one another on stage as a unspoken
form of encouragement. i'll miss all our nonsense after every prac/perf.

life is abt making choices. n living with them. is it not? we make a decision, n life goes on. so u'll hafta live with wadeva u decided on. if i'd e chance to go back into time... will i still join co? percussion? or TPA? of cos i will. its thru all dese dat i managed to find all these frens. close or distant.

if i can go back into e past, i'll still choose e same path that i took. no regrets. no nothing. i wun change dat decision, for anything in e world. you noe wad i'm referrin to. =)

Friday, March 10, 2006

abt how he loved her so,
yet all e things he couldnt tell her.
abt how she loved him too,
yet mysteriously pushed away by him.
abt all e things he did for her,
and unappreciated he may be.
abt how he waited for her,
n how she waited for him.
n finally the secret's revealed,
n cometh e rings of wedding bells,
disaster befalls...
n he loses her yet again...

Goodbye my lover,
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me...

beautiful aint it?...

it's 8:19 PM now

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

thanks to every1 for their concern.n yes! i'm fine alr! haha... kinda sorted out my thoughts in the bathroom today. =)

i've realised (not for the 1st time) dat being so pessimistic or paranoid does me no good. in fact it just brings me closer to hell. since i'll go dere 1 day (cos i'm damn evil... rite azrul? hahaha), theres no pt in rushing the process. lol...

n besides, being so pissed with everything, only makes other ppl pissed with me... which is exactly what i DONT wan, isnt it? if dat rlly happens, then its kinda like everything goes back to square1.. n gotta start all over again? no way dude.

mayb it was just dat i pinned my hopes too high, & then when they're not met e disappointments r kinda hard to swallow. plus it feels like i'm letting ppl down... e ppl hu haf stood by me & expect much from me too. =p

so, in summary, i die-die by transform myself. yet again! yes. to b more happy. to learn to appreciate happiness. to look on the bright side of everything. & make ppl happy too. n of cos hopefully, i'll inch closer towards success, towards my goal, towards my aim, towards my happiness.

taadaa. here i go!

it's 2:17 AM now

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

so disappointed. so angry. so sad. so scared.

everything's in a mess.

EVERYBODY tells me to fucking hell FOCUS. but it seems like its destined to be a losing battle.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

it's 6:47 AM now

Monday, March 06, 2006

jh has a pretty gf...
yuwei has a pretty fren....
both = KIMMY!

now everybody noes kim. =)

thanks for listening. thanks for everything.

it's 9:37 AM now

Saturday, March 04, 2006

weilin says her fren saw me at suntec. n how did she noe me? cos she went for the DHSCO concert i played in 3yrs ago. omg... nvm. can make new fren le.

honestly i dono how i'm gonna start dis entry... i cant tink of the correct words to use...

the feeling of losing a friend has not yet completely sink in... the shock when i heard the news... n everything... i've yet to get a grip on it all yet. i tot i had... until i read idol's blog... n den i realised... dat every word she wrote strikes a chord in my heart, cos its all so true.

n yes i still rem him as e little boy who would alwaes b so hyped up for everything except CO. e kid hu was as stupid as sijie to break his arm while playing soccer. the dude hu alwaes wanted to play bball with us, e big boys, after prac. e little fella hu turned out into a good-looking dude, always eager to share a laugh.

n as i reflect back on all these memories, it strikes me as to how un-close i was to him. how he came into my life &... left? was it cos of our age gap? certainly not. mayb its cos i haven rlly treasured these memories... until now.

u may haf heard dis a zillion times. cos i certainly haf. but yes... pls pls pls DO cherish e ppl around u.

n if you can read dis, be in peace, wherever u may be.

when u miss some1, tell dem.
& when u do, be sincere.
when u care abt some1, let them noe.
& do it as u mean it.
when u love some1,
love them, with all ur heart.

it's 8:59 AM now

Friday, March 03, 2006

argh. how on earth do these ppl write these beautiful songs? =p UNFAIR!

Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart, you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when i wake,
You can't break my spirits - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us as we used to be.
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

[Chorus]

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine while I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

it's 12:05 AM now

Thursday, March 02, 2006

happy 22nd birthday to weixiong. well aniwae him, colin, mingfeng & me wenta dis cafe called Settlers @ holland v to chill out. its pretty cool cos u getta play all e board games u wanna play. n it was cool... like playing Old Maid actually got all of us laffting till we cried.


aniwae kinda in an upset mood again. damn... for god-noes-wad again. n i hate it cos... well mayb i'm a sucker @ expressing myself. i dono y, but alot of times i just cannot express myself properly.

n sometimes it feels like hell cos ppl do come n talk to me abt their problems n such, which i'd b more than happy to offer a listenin ear or any help required. but then wad abt myself? i can give all e big big advices to other ppl while i'm struggling to cope with my own. wtf? ironic isn't it? n altho i noe dat every1 of u reading dis will alwaes be dere to help me, but yet sometimes i dono how to... approach ppl? or mayb to put my faith in ppl?

mayb its just a trait of being a libran. being so emotional. well... too emotional? n at times it makes me feel like a wussy. makes me fucking paranoid & think of all e nonsensical shit in dis world. & at e end of e day just feel like a bloody piece of cock.

c? dere i go again. being so freakin emo. argh. so sick of everything.

n so... what now?

it's 6:48 AM now