任我放纵的小世界

its a few mins b4 i gotta head for lessons. argh sian... aniwae heres a song which i'm sure many of u haf heard b4. i got reminded of it when i saw its lyrics in ernest's room... n yeh i like e song v much. =)

so dis song... goes out to all e lovebirds out dere, to all those happily attached, to those not happily attached, to those there were attached & to those not attached n still lookin for dat special someone in their lives.

and you.

"Grow Old With You" - Adam Sandler
I wanna make you smile whenever you're feeling sad
Carry you around when your arithritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if your furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you, kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you, feed you
Even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

it's 10:31 AM now

Thursday, October 27, 2005

finally i find time to come blog again... the past few days seem much longer than they really r... all thanks to the stupid SS assignment that's due today. i've finally finished it... altho i carn say its exactly impressive but i dun bloody hell care. haven slept much last night. arnd 3+hrs & now i cant get to slp. shit.

aniwae i'm pretty darn sure i wun make it into e team for handball. well... i kinda suck at it. haha serious. but i'm cool with dat. just give me a damn jersey with e big 25 imprinted on e back. nah just kidding. takraw... i oso dono how things will turn out. but prob wun get to play oso? nvm.. i just like e game. honest.

oh... p10's playing Collide... superb song =) i'm a sucker for dis kinda songs...

back to e pt... it wun rlly matter cos i've come to e decision to not stay in hall for e nxt academic yr. i dun wanna risk jeopardising my studies, and yet still pay $1000+ to do that. but more imptly, i dun wan hall & nus to take over all my life... ya? its like just a moment ago i was tinking back abt wad have i rlly done dis wk, or the last, or 1 wk b4 dat? its all sch-hall-sch-hall. omg... i'm gg to b driven up e wall alr!

yes... uni life sux. its so time-consuming. theres so much work to do. so many datelines to meet. n e atmosphere is damn competitive. i just wan to relax can? everywhere i go i c ppl doing work. i hear ppl talking abt work. wah lau. get a life man... but who can blame dem? cos theres so much work to do!! for me... today got SS assignment. sat got test. mon my english module position paper due. wed is the oral defence for the same module. WTF? rlly sian diao.

but its abt to get worse la. exams coming soon... in 3wks. wish me all e best man. hai... i'm pretty sure i'm screwed for this sem. just pray for the best ba. aniwae... rlly lookin forward to the dec hols. finally a breather! ppl must jio me out then ah... -phew-...

bloody nus. give me back my life.

it's 2:52 PM now

Monday, October 24, 2005

sadly no1 has given any comments on e lyrics yet. awww. =(

aniwae currently facing a v big dilemma... dat is whether to stay in hall for e nxt academic yr anot... application for comms will end tml night. currently i'm only in 2 IHG sports, which will definitely be insufficient to grant me a stay nxt yr. sigh. so... if i wanna stay nxt yr, i must join activities n stuff to gain pts n stuff rite? but on e other hand, if i'm not gonna stay... den i wun join aniting else le. i'll only join things dat will be of interest to me, like takraw. but then, m i being fair to the team? to go train n play, even tho i jolly well noe dat i wun be staying? m i depriving some1 of his place in e team?

the gd pts of staying in hall... convenience definitely tops the list. to have a place to go to during breaks. to catch a nap. to take a rest when sick. to go back to print notes. secondly, theres takraw. i dono y. but dats sth which kinda holds me here to KR. thirdly, cos someone likes my room... dats abt it... as much as i hate e activities that they have here (all those lame dono-wads like compulsory formal meeting... sheesh)

bad pts of staying... induces time-wasting. all e sleep & relaxing away. unproductive time wasted. money issue. $1700 a semester is rlly v expensive, even if i have to fork out $100 to buy both bus & train concession it gets nowhere near dat figure. also, i get to go home & acc my family... yada yada yada...

or should i just move to PGP? where theres no hall activities? but the money & time wasting issue comes back into e picture... should i just try n get pts to stay? can i cope with the extra commitment? i doubt i'll even have time for myself. should i go home then? but i'll miss everything here.

sigh... somebody enlighten me pls.....

it's 7:28 PM now

Friday, October 21, 2005

i'm here to post a new set of lyrics dat i've just completed. i got my inspiration when i was tuning into 933fm... yep e one where all e dedication n all e letters get read out n stuff... i tink all of us can relate to some part of this lyrics... so hope ya all enjoy it ya? =)

pls comment k? rem to change ur encoding to unicode.

对你的思念在心中作祟
流失的分分秒秒
渐渐淡忘的爱情
等挽救不了
才来后悔

后悔
当初没握你的手没亲吻你额头
给你太多自由让你放纵
像断了线的风筝
随风飘移一去不回

(*) 难道是我愚蠢多疑自己吓自己
还是一开始就是我自作多情
不想让你遗忘忽略远离我而去
我们的感情不应该如此而已

豁出去的爱我要不回来
以往的甜甜蜜蜜
我不愿放手放弃
扑灭了以往
所有希望

希望
我们能倒流时间一切回到起点
用虚幻的梦想欺骗自己
像受了伤的蝴蝶
拼命挣扎坠落不起

Repeat (*)

不该如此而已。。。

爱情的潘朵拉盒它的玄机
谁愿与我一同探寻？

it's 1:26 PM now

we just had open floor... our theme was funeral. so e corridor's kinda dark... e lights covered with red cloth & all lights were off... so yep it looks kinda creepy when i look outta my room now. was pretty bz doing all e stuff from afternoon onwards... had takraw training in e evening... n now, finally a chance to settle down n do a bit of thinking...

i'm sorry to say dis to everyone... but yep in a little bit of depression currently. no worries. no big deal. just feeling a little down. missing some ppl more than i should be. eh... is that so? ok i'll get over it. i'm not supposed to let it affect me. so i wun... i hope...

ystd a little email war erupted btwn our close grp of frens. for wad... dat will not be revealed. but i just hope dat everyone can rlly treasure ur friendship with e ppl arnd u. esp those v dear to u... while we are all hot-headed n just splurt out wads on our heads... lets just take a step back n look at e whole picture. if we dun even care abt dis friendship... abt dis grp of friends... hu will even bother to step up n start an argument? rite? haiya i dun wanna dwell on dis animore la... i just hope... dis ugly episode will be soon forgotten... n our friendship can withstand e test of time... like it alwaes had. pls ok? dis is THE friendship dat i hold most dear onto...

hai. typing dis kinda entry alwaes makes me sad... haiiiii...

how come things have become wad they r today??? wad happened??

all i wanna do... is run away...

will U accompany me????

emptiness.

it's 12:28 AM now

Monday, October 17, 2005

thanks everyone for ur overwhelming concern... its... well... overwhelming. =)

weekend was great! was out on friday night with pok, ruyi, mingxuan & merbra @ clarke quay. well we intended to go to rouge but well it was pretty packed. as was acid bar so we ended up heading to clarke quay, where we settled @ asylum instead. it wasnt dat bad... i mean e company was great la. we drank n talked cock. played some dumb games & even managed to meet up with dis rlly friendly grp of angmohs from UK, Aussie & US. n boy were they friendly... haha in comparison Singaporeans seriously suck. lol. sue me.

sat we had steamboat cum table-BBQ @ turf city... GP annual celeb + Mingxuan's bdae celeb! HAPPY BDAE SISTER! =) well it was not too bad. e attendance was as usual... wow. n TPA represented by a pathetic me & merbra. haha... afterwhich me, merbra, ruyi, mingxuan & clarice went to Dog N Bone at siglap to watch e Man Utd match n of cos, drink. hahaha... we played sooo many bloody lame games n yep... it was pretty fun. n we went to geylang for supper... n den walked to stadium mac to stone till 5am before we concluded we seriously miss our beds.. lol! but yep. it was damn fun la. i have officially named dis grp of ppl... e "Bu Liang Shao Nian" grp. hahaha...

just now sth farni happened... n when i pondered abt it a few seconds after dat, i couldnt figure out hu was e party with the attitude problem. so everybody, do me a favour... take a vote on this k? just post it on my tag or sth. =)

Scenario:
me, on my way back from somewhere else, is across e road from my house. i was at e pedestrian crossing waiting for the lights to turn green, so dat i can cross rite? but when i saw dat the traffic was pretty far away, i jaywalked. n this taxi, which was at least a good 10m away, horned at me. TWICE. being the typical me, with my i'm-oso-a-driver-so-i-noe-it-is-damn-safe-for-me-to-cross-e-road-now-cos-u're-so-damn-slow attitude, i flashed him a certain finger and a few pieces of my mind (ie. hokkien vulgarities).

so, tell me. who's e one with e attitude problem? hahaha...

lastly... HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my most beloved mei... JELENA!!! =))

it's 1:11 AM now

Friday, October 14, 2005

i've met with my first pitfall. i'm trying so hard... to catch up with my maths. i'm webcasting the lectures i missed. i'm trying to finish an example the lecturer didn't complete... then...

MY 2 MONTHS OLD CALCULATOR DIES ON ME.

wad e fuck?? hahaha. mayb its a sign from above. i shud just quit studying. haha.

i better go find another one n get on with my work.

it's 8:06 PM now

thanks clarice. thanks wanyi. thanks zhiwei. thanks wanyie. thanks ruai. thanks kim. thanks grace.

thank all of u who have bothered to come n ask me how i m. i appreciate that. e world isn't dat ugly afterall.

go read e poem on grace's blog. i tink its beautiful. its exactly how i feel now.

go read idol's blog. read abt how we all have our own happiness, how we may fix it, n how we choose not to do it.

i'm sick of going to lectures not knowing what on earth is the lecturer talking abt. i'm sick of going to tutorials with only the question paper and no answers. i'm sick of doing last minute work. i'm sick of watching people finish all their work yet i struggle to even start doing my work.

i'm sick of letting my thoughts run wild. i'm sick of my inconsistent, unpredictable mood changes. i'm sick of scaring myself with stupid imaginations.

its high time to take matters into my own hands. sad thing to say, but dis world is selfish. no-one is going to help me up. but i'm still going to try to get myself out of this shit hole. i noe i will hate the process. i will stumble. i may fail. but i'm gonna try be strong & live happy.

n if possible, try help a few friends out of their own unhappiness... pay it forward. bring a smile to someone's face. make someone's day. n for all u noe, u might just bring happiness to someone... esp those impt to u.

out.

it's 1:04 PM now

Thursday, October 13, 2005

hu wans to watch a midnight movie with me now? call me @ 97*****7. u shud noe e no. if not dun bother. haha... i'm just stoning here in front of my comp, in a lost of wad to do. dat kind of explains the regularity of posts nowadays...

this wk... not rlly in the mood to do anything. i'm still trying hard to get used to it, dis new serenity of my life. tried doing work. didnt work. tried to exercise. didnt work either. tml i shall try drinking. mayb dat will work. =) thank god there were stuff to keep me fairly occupied this week... my CTW assignment due this wk, IBG captains' supper, takraw training... helps me keep my mind off things.

life goes on... doesnt it? regardless of wad happens. if only i can freeze time... or even bttr, travel back in time... den i'll go a few months back... correct any wrongs i did. do all the things i didnt have the guts to do. take the first steps that i missed. appreciate my parents more. treasure time spent with my precious friends. . take nothing for granted. go the extra mile to make them feel treasured and loved... and treasured... and loved... and treasured..........

and... loved...

in a little bit of lyrics writting mood once again. in fact it nv rlly sizzled since the last experience. i might just be a prodigy after all. hahaha mad. i like to pen down lyrics... n sometimes express wad i feel. n dat sense of accomplishment when completed... unexplainable. hu wan to help me compose the music for the new song... its far from done, so take ur time to consider ok?

its alwaes at moments like dis... dat i wish for a drink. drown myself with it... fall into a comatose. n tml will be a bttr day. i hope. =)

it's 10:33 PM now

it takes guts to admit this...

but i nearly teared on the bus just now...

all bcos...

of one song.

THAT special song.

i dun wanna put on false smiles n fake laughters animore...

n pretend its ok...

but still i haf to be strong...

and i WILL be strong...

n i hope...

i will pull through.

to all my friends: i miss you all. where r all of u??

it's 1:34 AM now

Monday, October 10, 2005

it's been a bad day. haven been able to conc in doing anything. my mind keeps drifting off elsewhere. i've been tinking for the past 3mins abt how to start this entry. but wad the heck. its difficult to pen this down... cos even i struggle to find words to explain what i'm feeling now. its the feeling of disillusion... or more of the feeling of helplessness.

things happen for a reason. sometimes they dun, but more often than not they do. when you feel lost in whatever u do, look for that reason. mayb it'll dawn a little light on u. maybe it will point u in the correct direction. maybe it'll remind u wad u're doing there in the first place.

ok i'm not gg to elaborate more... i'm still waiting... yes... waiting to be told. waiting to see what can be done and what i can do.

so... i shall carry on waiting. n at the same time pray... dat all our prayers be heard... and answered.

it's 9:50 PM now

Thursday, October 06, 2005

damn disgusting song being played on P10 now... <Nine Million Bicycles> by Katie Melua... wah lau. c the name alr wth lo... hmm ok now its <Wherever You Will Go> by The Calling... dats wad i call music. one of my all-time fav songs man. so nice... rite azrul? barrack 1 + G Div Ops Unit theme song. -memoriessss-

was talking to weisheng n he was commenting dat i'm becoming more n more metrosexual. OMG. hahaha... but to some extent i do agree with him... but not to the extent of metro rite?? haha... n in his words... "and running into the drinking alcoholic boozy kind of clubber mood"... issit?? i just feel like drinking more often nowadays. dono y oso. n according to him... "i think drinking is unnecessary expenditure of financial resources to fulfill a vague and disillusioned goal of feeling emotionally good"... wah. i'm making him look good alr. =)

another funny thing... was how ruyi commented that me & my bro look alike.. n she said dat my bro's e siwen version of me... so meaning... i'm the pai kia of the family?? hahaha.

its amazing wad ppl can think of u.

just had takraw training... fun leh. =) good to pick up a new sport. seriously hoping i make e cut for handball team... how come so long still no news?? dun tell me nv get in AGAIN. hai.

it's 11:48 PM now

511am n i'm wide awake typing dis entry... cos just now went to Harry's Pub to drink with weisheng... was telling him wanted to get drunk... obviously he seemed abit reluctant hahaha. actually i say for fun only oso. but i rlly wan to drink qt a bit. however, stupid harry's pub... pian pian 11pm closing. 1045 last order. simi niao? no jug... so we just ordered 2 pines of guiness (dun ask me y guiness. i dun like guiness).. in the end he offered me his drink cos i was complaining not fun... wanted 2nd round @ pasir panjang... whereas he wanted to go jogging/cycling... diff methods of cure for diarrhoea.

speakin of which... weisheng, melissa & me suffered from diarrhoea + vomitting (them) the day after we all had supper from Sheares Hall. so *warning*... Uncle Vincent is tryin to take over the world... he's poisoning the food! it was rlly bad la... seriously diarrhoea. went to toilet at least like... 8 times. didnt even go for any tutorial... damn kns. now still feeling abit queasy... but as proven once again... drinking is the best cure for diarrhoea! hahaha!

aniwae e ppl playin pool @ Harry's sucked. but reminds me so much of the times when we all used to just go & play pool for fun. i mean... ok la we sucked too. hahahaha. i miss playing pool with bro colin & vincent during office lunch times (oops)... i miss gg to play pool with merbra, weisheng, marcus... wad happened man? wad happened to merbra alwaes commenting... "wear until like ah beng go play pool again"... I M NOT AH BENG OK? even the chain GP give me... damn beng. my impression in ur minds rlly so beng meh? hurhurhur. ok lo. kwa simi? knn... lol.

sore right shoulder. dono issit becos of e way i slept... or becos of e little exercise i did b4 i slept... shit la. damn irritating. argh.

still msging xiaomao... wait for 1st train huh... diaos. thanks for accompanying me to find e presents today... altho nv buy anything. hahaha. =p

my comp playin "I don't Want to Miss A Thing" again... which was like e first song since i played 5hrs ago? does dat mean it has finished playing all 2192songs? hahaha.

-missing u alr-

it's 5:24 AM now

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

mana mana beach club... we ever gg back there again??

it's 6:50 PM now

4 pai kias... ok. mayb we aint so convincing afterall.

it's 6:49 PM now

lets rewind back to those days... carefree... and just enjoy the moment

it's 6:48 PM now

4 great buds. 1 big garuda. 1 fantastic trip.

it's 6:47 PM now

that notsalgic feeling once again... bintan 2005...

it's 6:46 PM now

Sunday, October 02, 2005

ok... i'm here cos i was gg arnd tagging ppl's blog to thank them but i just read some1's blog n it made stop for a while n ponder on all the wrong things dat i did ystd. n they're true.

i'm shocked. cos... i nv rlly meant for things to turn out dat way? but sayin dat is of no use now.

i'm sorry i didnt cut the cake. my mum had to do it for me. dat was a big mistake.

i'm sorry if i appeared self-centred. but i guess i m to a certain extent. for dat i'm sorry too.

i'm sorry if my jokes made you angry. they were just jokes. but no excuses. i'm sorry for making stupid remarks.

n now, i'd just like to say i'm VERY sorry to you, to my parents (for everything), to my family (for helping to clear up the mess & not gettin too much attn from me) & to my frens (whom i didnt spend time with, whom i didnt rlly talk to, whom i offended in one way or another).

i take too many things for granted. i noe. i should change. i will change.

it was supposed to b a happy ocassion. if anyone was unhappy, then i'm rlly sorry. ya?

sorry...

if ur tagboards have not been tagged yet... fret not. i'll do it soon.

it's 4:37 PM now

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

i'm saying that to every single one of you out there. those that came down to the chalet last night. those that didn't come but sent their good-wishes. those that didn't come n didnt say anything oso. haha... i'm just kidding.

it was rlly exhilarating. when at first only GP came i was wondering where on earth was everybody. by 8pm the place was flooded. with the rain & people of cos... ppl just started pouring in like mad. but i liked it. even tho i was damn busy running around, trying to entertain ppl & at the same time checkin on my guys in the room in the chalet. but it was rlly great, seeing ppl i haven seen in qt a while & gettin to catch up with them. i'm sorry dat i didnt hve much time to talk to each & every single person. i guess u all noe y. =) i was doing something else ma.

anyway i love the presents k? it shall not be listed here. but pls let it be known dat i rlly rlly love each & every single present. thanks!! =) oh. go figure which is the one i like the most.

i promise photos will be up soon... as soon as i collect them from everybody. haha. damn dumb. my photos are all over the place. shit. n i realise i nv take foto with some ppl. argh. n i look damn ugly. with the untidy hair n stuff. wth la.

once again... a big thanks to everyone... esp you...

hope you liked the surprise. =)

Thanks to:
1) Best friends! - Weisheng, Merbra, Zhiwei, Yunxin, Wanyie, Grace, Tsz shan, Yanjie

2) Girls Percussion! - Jasmine, Mingxuan, Yanting, Ruyi, Pok, Huimin, Shimin, Sharon, Liping, Clarice, Yvonne, Aisyha, Weilin

3) Mei! - Jelena

4) DHSCO! - Debbie, Peiyi, Weixiong, Colin, Mingfeng, Tzejin, Gloria, Melissa, Sharon, Wangui, Joel, Eric, Desmond, Kayan, Carol, Shuying, Cherlene, Han Shuo, Jacinta, Joanna, Ruai, Wanxuan, Xiuqi, Yanyi, Eugene, Kewei, Zhengyi, Yiru

5) 01S46! - Ernest, Wah Wei, Weilun, Jiwei, Huiying, Serene Wu, Aiyun, Siaw Lei, Isabel, Lynette, Ruyi

6) Police! - Azrul, Raphael, Lian Huan, Louis, Desmond, Syafiq, Shariff, Colin

7) Great Friends! - Kim, Wanyi, Stephanie & Arthur, Sijie & Xuebao, Weilin

8) DHS classmates! - Terence, Benjamin, Lihui

of cos... extra credit to those in orange... my rag team. those dat stayed up with me @ hall to prepare the cylum straws... n rushing thru e surprise on the actual day itself... words can nv express my gratitude towards this great bunch of ppl. u're the best la! =)

it's 4:06 PM now