任我放纵的小世界

for those whom i've just tagged... refer to e entry below hor. not dis one. hahaha... *points below*

aniwae an update of some of e things dat have been happening. well... first & foremost... if u stil dono... I'VE FINISHED MY GODDAMN EXAMS! yay man. finally... hahaha! =) it was rlly shitty la. but wad e hell rite. like wad gilbert said: as bad as it was, i'm glad its over! haha... rite bert? <- i dono if u still read my blog anot =p

aniwae only had a mini-celebration after dat. was out with colin & mingfeng @ IMM n had our oyster mee sua... which i spilled some over my white shirt. damn bloody hell lah. after which we went back to clementi to meet up with weixiong for our ktv session from 10pm-3am. omg man... totally no voice after dat la. erm... actually no la not dat bad. aniwae yijia, zhenbin, nic & zhilin were there too. wah... nic & zhilin can sing qt well leh. -applause- n weixiong has improved! *gasp*

e funny thing was after the ktv session, we got into this taxi... n i was drinking this bottle of HL milk dat i bought from 7-11. pls note: i was sittin in e front seat, e other 3 were in the back. if u dono, e 3 of them r like... at least 1.7+m tall, almost 1.8m i guess. halfway thru e journey, the uncle suddenly said in hokkien "so fat still drink milk"... i was SMLJ? "uncle i where got fat??!!" n he carries on to explain dat i'm not fat, but just big-sized. i rebutted him saying u nv c e 3 at the back meh??!! n he still had the cheek to say dat "no la. cos u short but still big size"... wah lau eh. kana suan by the uncle twice in a row. he good man he good... bttr watch out! aniwae it was rlly qt funny la. made all us awake after we had our share of laughing. =)

....... sorry dudes. suddenly lost the mood to blog leh. argh.

it's 9:39 AM now

wah... ruai tagged me! shit lah.

Rules of the game:
1. post 5 weird/random stuff abt yourself
2. at the end, list the names of 5 ppl who you want next to this and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED" in their blogs and tell them to read your blog for rules!

1> wads e colour of my hair: erm... supposedly dark purple base with red highlight. but e purple base cannot c!
2> wads my fav animal: dog... esp puppies! haha...
3> wad r u watching rite now: erm... Da Chang Jin. nice!
4> wad ya gonna do tml: erm.. practice at nite. tinkin whether to join zhilin & co for ktv tml.
5> wad r u tinkin of right now: alot of things la... hahaha.

ok. dat was erm... qt diaos i must admit. aniwae heres e fun part. i'm gonna tag jasmine, kim, wanyi, weisheng & merbra.

it's 9:23 AM now

Monday, November 28, 2005

time-check: 214am, 28th Nov 2005. today marks the end of my 1st sem in NUS. tonight is my last ppr for the exams... n it just had to be the stupid Singapore Studies module. theres so much readings to do... n yet i haven done like half of it. in fact, of those that i read... i cannot rem. i was joking to mingfeng dat my head is like the CTE tunnel... go in then -vooom- comes out from e other end. ok bloody lame.

gonna grab some sleep... for mayb arnd 3-4hrs before dragging myself outta e bed to continue readings. man... i feel like just scolding the examiners knnbccb, flash the finger then just storm out of the exam hall. but nope i carn do dat. i'm just another stupid singapore kid who has been brainwashed to just soak in the appalling education system of ours. OH NO. will i get jailed for saying that? *oops!*

so much dat i wanna do in the hols. so much i wanna spend on. low on cash. bought presents for sharon & sister ystd... so dat means a whopping $100 lesser for me now. n of cos theres still so many more presents that i've yet to buy. when on earth will i get the money to buy sth for myself? blah. yes... i m more than willing to spend money on those whom i care abt. so dun scold me. u all should jolly well noe how i m by now.

n of cos. guys r ultimate losers. rite merbra & weisheng? hahaha.

trying to come to terms with everything. lol. when things go wrong, blame urself, not others. so... -slaps myself- u bloody idiot. wake up ur bloody idea.

gym, takraw, handball, running (& all these mean abs-in-the-making), rock-climbing (hopefully), chinablack, zouk out, sentosa beckons. be prepared. gentlemen, start ur engines...

15hrs to liberation. halleluya.

it's 2:14 AM now

Saturday, November 26, 2005

心情。。。很复杂。

有将考完试的喜悦；有因为还有一个考试的悲哀。。。以及为很多其他事情的困扰。。。为何最近那么多的不如意？

说要坚强，但没想到会如此艰辛。不能只当口头禅，要尽力去实践。唯有这样，才能让它实现。

五月天唱了， “笑着哭。。。最痛”。第一次真正体会到这种感觉。。。假装坚强或许只是欺骗自己而已。

敢去面对，也是一种勇气。但我只想永远逃避。。。

想回到过去，找回一切的一切。还有。。。找回自己。

it's 1:13 AM now

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

i'm here bloggin this in my room... with raphael sitting on the floor studying statics. well i should be studying too, but if i dun let out some of my frustration i dun tink i'll be able to digest anything even if i stare at the book for like dono how mnay hrs. i'm typing this real fast so dun mind all e typos n stuff...

tml is my statics paper and seriously i'm still damn blur abt everything. in fact, i haven even study finish yet... dat explains y now i'm in such a panic. & just now i almost flare up at syafiq & alex. brothers, i'm sorry abt dat. but my nerves r rlly getting to me & i was so close to snapping just now. it was like they were discussing all the qns when i was still there trying to read thru my notes & learning wadeva there is to be learnt. so of cos i was a little bit irritated. i was trying to study but each time they say sth foreign my morale hits rock bottom again. i understand its not their fault. but i was just v angry. with them. with myself. with everything.

i was talking with raphael just now... abt wad a joke i have become. an A level 4As student. to wad i m today. wad on earth m i fucking thinking? how come i've become wad i m today? i feel like slapping myself hard on the face & tell myself to wake up my bloody idea. well its too late for this exams & i better wake up for the upcoming semesters. seriously. i dun wan to waste my time & more imptly, my parents money getting this kind of monkey grades. humiliate myself. humiliate my family.

its kinda pressurizing to be from my family, i just realised. no should b i just remembered. check this out. my bro, my cousin, me & my sis all A lvl 4As. another 2 cousins got 3As. now all 5 r in uni. my bro's a medicine student summore. dis is like fuckin pressurising can? if i flop in any way, wad will they think of me? i'll be the joke of the century.

i noe i'm crumbling under the pressure. it amazes me to realise how weak i actually m. how easily i get distracted by other stuff. i wish i can just concentrate on my studies, but my heart tells me otherwise. n honestly i wan to just follow my heart... how? n its not just the studies dat i'm disappointed in. theres many other stuff too... which makes me feel so... disgusted with myself.

i cant wait to go on e drinking outing with raph. n get wasted. n not worry abt anithing else in the world.

n i was hoping dat some1... any1 would ring me up n check on me. wish me good luck. check dat i'm still alive n kicking... so ppl if u're free do dat ok? n of cos thanks lover for dat call. thanks.

thanks mel for being there. thanks raph, syafiq, alex, gilbert for studying with me & all the nonsense.

i need to go study again. might not b slping.

-fucking incoherent entry-

it's 11:23 PM now

Friday, November 18, 2005

ruai once said dat uni exams are like A levels dat come every 3-4mnths. well... i tink its actually worse than dat. it's absolutely madness... esp for some1 like me who didnt study consistently & doing alot of last minute studying. sighs.

i've been super held up with mugging this whole week. sighs man. been spending 14hrs in library everyday. thereafter study summore elsewhere. omg man... rlly can die. heres my routine for everyday: wake up at arnd 7+am, wash up, go dabao breakfast, go library at around 8am. study study study till lunchtime @ 1pm. come back study study study. dinner at around 7-8pm. study till library close at 10pm. study summore at forum till 12am. go back hall & slp. THAT'S IT. even my hall like only like a hotel. for me to slp lor. haiiii.

i'm sorry if i haven been keeping in contact with all of you. in fact i haven even rlly sms/call anybody i tink, except for study related stuff i tink. yaa... so if u've got a sms from me sometime, pls appreciate it! hahaha. ok i tink i'm mad.

thanks to e usual studying khakis. i guess if i'd studied without them around, i wun b able to grasp as much as wad i do now. altho its v little, but still better than nth.

tml first ppr liao. physics. sigh. hope for the best lah.

ladies & gentlemen, pls buckle up. e race is about to begin... here we go.

oh. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHARON =)

it's 1:49 AM now

Monday, November 14, 2005

before i lose my sanity in studying... i shall update. =)

thanks to mel & weisheng for studying with me for e past few days. it helps! i tink... haha. & of cos tml studying with mel, wangui... then raphael, syafiq & alex will be there oso. =) hope it'll be a more fruitful day of studying tml.

ok shall talk abt mel chang. yep melissa chang. hahah shes damn farni & entertaining la. anyway she had dis rlly weird dream ystd (according to her)... dat we all were studying @ YIH then dis chiobu from her history tutorial class came. n in her dream, i supposedly like dat girl (WTH?!!) & unfortunately theres 2 other guys who like her oso. hahahaha. n before e story could develop any further, she woke up. shit laaa. =p

& the funny thing was... when i was waiting for her to come for lunch @ YIH... rlly got 1 chiobu come n sit @ e table nxt to me! n i was like... "wah. so zun meh??" haha... farni leh.

speaking of which... now i noe e hideout of all e chiobus in NUS. e freaking library!! serious! omg man... of all places to be in. sheesh. but they're rlly like all over e library can?? hmmm...

ok. i tink by now most ppl will tink dat i'm a desperado. for the record, I'M NOT. =P

i like rainy days... it reminds me of.................

back to studying...

it's 11:19 PM now

Sunday, November 13, 2005

-struggling from all e studying-

i'm having problems with differential equations. theres still laplace transformation & i haven even start watching online lectures for series. i'm screwed. n physics is on friday. oh my god... oh my god.... =(

it's ok if u dun understand wads all dat. cos simply... even i dun rlly understand either. oh man...

i'm pretty upset... cos of the lack of support when e exams r coming. thru these few mnths in uni, i've failed to find for myself a studying grp. or perhaps cos i didnt bother. there was syafiq & raphael, a v studious duo. but i decided to relax & not put my foot on e pedal. buden again, i'll nv find another study grp like dat during the A levels. Weilun, Wah Wei, Ernes, Aiyun, Siaw Lei, Huiyuan, Jiwei. ppl of my standard. ppl whom i can just sit arnd, study & talk cock with. n me of cos being qt ok in my studies back then... obviously not e case now.

n then theres e lack of support from other areas. theres e lack of dat someone whom i can just sit down & throw all my troubles away with. cannot find some1 who shares e same worries as i do. theres no cheerleaders carrying pom-poms & cheering for me outside e exam hall. ok wait. dat last pt is qt invalid. but i just rem saying it to someone b4. heehee. how corny.

in short, i'm rlly struggling. n i dun seem to b doing much abt it.

someone help me.

it's 5:13 PM now

i tink by now all of u shud haf realised how popular puppies r... hiak. so cutteee rite? =)

i just got back from a run. dun get me wrong. i still hate running. but for once it actually felt good. to feel the wind blowing against my face. listen to e speeding cars zoom past me. jay chou's god-knows-what-he's-saying-but-still-sound-so-good songs blasting in my earphones. i was momentarily in another world of my own. one without stress. one without worries. one without hurt.

when ppl start pouring forward to wish u good luck for ur exams, it makes u realise sth. u realise... ur exams are RLLY around e corner. shit. i tink e stress is kinda getting to me alr. how unprepared i m. how little i've done in this sem. how lazy i've been. but oh well. dats life. i'll just have to salvage wad i can in wadeva time i have left... provided i manage to pull myself off my bed first. heehee.

i oso thot thru abt e huge rollercoster i've been on in the past few months. from ORD... to the relaxing days... to enrolment into uni... till this shitty day. n if i can... i'd like to freeze & reverse time... some1 invent a time machine pls.

alrite. enuff of incoherent bitching. time to get back to studying. sighsss.

thots:
i just wan to b a puppy. a cute one. haha.

it's 12:19 AM now

Thursday, November 10, 2005

kawaiiiiii~ cute si le. =p

it's 11:22 PM now

courtesy of ernest... omg. so cuteeee~

it's 11:22 PM now

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

my infamous new adidas running shoes... yellow. i likeee. =)

it's 8:31 PM now

psst... here a little secret. with a little bit of determination, a bit of luck, and a lot of undertable alteration... i've got gold for my ippt! hahaha!!! yay. $400. laalaa... i was initally sooo confident dat i wouldnt get gold, but when i got full marks for all my 4 stations i thot wad e hell la... might as well just try for gold. so i ran quite fast... at least to myself... ahaha in fact e route @ ECP feels shorter than last yr... mayb cos i didnt get stitch? heehee. yep. i tink i must give due credit to my shoe! haha new one. bought for $139. but now e cost is covered! thanks to e $400!

today was e last percussion session @ Poi Ching Primary School. n amazingly today was e most responsive & productive session of all! n ya i love grp6! ok i may not show it, but i'm v proud of them... they're rlly v quick learners. even though they may bit a little shy, but alot of them r actually v enthu abt e lesson! =) so today it was fun, even though v tiring. but it was all worth it, hearing them say "Thank You Instructors"... omg. felt appreciated. anyway nice working with yanting (sister), yanyi & william... =) well done!

current thots: gonna try get my emotions in place, settle down & freaking hell study! hahaha. ok la TRY la hor? no money back guarantee. n then after exams, start alot of things all over again! hee. no pt sitting here waiting for things to fall from e sky. must fight for wad i want!! jiayou jiayou!

Wang Zi Bian Qing Wa... a hot show watched by soooo many ppl nowadays. every time i watch e show oso watch partially... but enuff for me to conclude... e show is nice!! haha. gonna buy e vcd with my sis after exams to watch. hurhurhur.

it's 8:29 PM now

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

have been down on my luck recently. dat day i threw my clothes into e out-of-order washing machine n it washed my clothes w/o washing liquid. i got locked out of my room when i went out to bathe, & had to pay $2 for e temp card to open e door. i nearly got into an accident when i was driving the other day.

feel like i'm losing everything. studies. money. everything. i'm losing my grasp on them all... sigh. lets just hope its e examination blues... n dat after exams... everything will be ok!! -pray-

thanks to pok (xiaotu), mingxuan (sister), siyu (lover) for their encouragement over e wk. i needed dat. =) helps to keep me going... hee... esp siyu for all her advice... on other matters as well. to lover: i rlly appreciated dat call!! haha... altho i'm v sorry for hanging up on u! diaos. but i tink i alr explained myself enuff... i hope! =) 1 more mnth till u come back!

kinda in an isolation mood nowadays... not in e mood to take part in any of hall/block activities. whenever i'm in room.... most of the time oso behind closed doors. just... cannot rlly b bothered.

hmm... i wanna go back in time. to become e me in e past. i wan to find dat me again.

"if things go wrong, dun blame others. blame urself." -true!

tinking of colouring my hair again. wad colour? suggestions?

splitting headache. on panadol. time to slp.

it's 12:46 AM now

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

hahaha. check out zhiwei's blog & his latest entry on e challenge. its fucking hilarious. oops... pardon e language. =p

okok back to e topic. here to blog abt handball. n how amazingly disgusted & pissed off i was today. well, for a start, confirm is wun make it to e team. cos e seniors r good (no doubt) n they alr clearly tell us dat we prob wun get to play... so wad to expect? it is true dat they dun haf time to... u noe... wait for e first yrs to improve to a level to b able to compete in IHG. i mean cummon... look at jingxian or jingrui. even they wun make it to e 1st team, but as reserves. so wtf rite?

but e thing is dis: its good dat they make their intentions known. but fucking hell, dun treat first yrs like cock, do wadeva u wan, dump e first yrs dere cos... oh well. they wun rlly make dat much of a contribution aniwae... aint it? n then, after dat come talking abt how impt each n every single person is to e team. yada yada yada. bullshit. still rem dat some1 said dat e handball team... rlly feels like a team. feels like a family. i say puuuuuuiii. fuck dat. c how e 1st yrs r treated? nonsense.

they say dat its all abt grooming us for e future. ok. fair enuff. then they talk abt how we will get to shine in yrs to come, cos e seniors will graduate n we'll take centre stage. true. but wad abt ppl like me? who wun stay after dis yr. even if stayin for dis yr, wad abt e nxt? or e yr after dat? of cos u can throw e qn back at me n ask wad on earth m i doing in e team if i dun even plan to stay? but wth rite... no excuse to treat us like fuckin morons.

e treatment we've been getting these few trainings has been absolutely disgusting... i can assure u dat. in fact it makes me kinda turned off towards handball. IBG was so much more fun, cos nobody knew anything n we just played e game. ran after e ball. shouted at one another. helped out one another. no fucking nonsense. no bloody bullshit. no shitty politics.

i was so pissed, i was contemplating quitting e team. but no. if i do dat, i'd just show dat i'm weak rite? so wad if i just get to carry water? just give me e fucking jersey n i'll lug e stupid water container to every match. so wad? i dun rlly care.

dis is some seriously fucked up shit man. theres a reason y i like takraw much more than handball. to hell with it.

-out-

it's 11:46 PM now

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

will zhiwei accept weisheng's public challenge to a boxing match nxt christmas?? it'll be... excruciatingly fun i guess. mayb i'll get to b e special refree. wait. i might b better off being e bookie. hahaha...

dono y e problem of hall stay is coming back to haunt me again. but ok la my mind is more of less set. i rlly cannot afford to commit time to join comms. i mean i have time, but i'd rather spend it elsewhere doing other stuff la. n besides, whenever i tink abt the $1400+ spent for me to stay in hall to do dono-wad... my heart cringes la. wth right. n dat day my parents were telling me not to neglect my studies... i was kinda guilty la... sigh.

n besides. i miss home! hahaha... yep dat explains y in e middle of e night (read: 2210hrs) ystd, i was tempted to go home! so taadaa... dat explains y i'm happily sitting in my room now blogging away. heehee. n of cos nth beats home cooked food. =) *a warning to all gonna-be-hall-stayers... e food sux!*

currently kinda addicted to dis tv serial on ch8. every weekday 9pm. its e one with rui en inside. i rlly like e storyline... n i've been watching it for a good 1wk alr. too bad its gonna end dis fri. awww. but yep recommend it to everybody out there. =) deres a big part of e show which is abt spiderman (qi yu wu) & rui en being together... then spiderman was qt hesistant every now & then cos of his looks n was worried dat he wun b good enuff for rui en. hmmm... everybody! rings a bell? i tink it does la. all of us, at one pt or another, would probably have tot abt dis problem b4... whether u're gd enuff for him/her. right? =
i cant stop sneezing these few days. hurhur. buden... cos i'm falling sick? hahaha.

tink i gonna get jay's new cd ltr.

off to watch webcast. how sad. studying on a public holiday.

it's 12:17 PM now